"However self-possessed and ladylike in all her deportment and general bearing a lady may be, and though capable of undertaking any journey, howsoever long it may be, an escort is at all times much more pleasant, and generally acceptable. When a gentleman undertakes the escort of a lady, he should proceed with her to the depot, or meet her there, a sufficient time before the departure of the train to attend to the checking of her baggage, procure her ticket, and obtain for her an eligible seat in the cars, allowing her to choose such seat as she desires. He will then dispose of her packages and hand-baggage in their proper receptacle, and make her seat and surroundings as agreeable for her as possible, taking a seat near her, or by the side of her if she requests it, and do all he can to make her journey a pleasant one."
"Upon arriving at her destination, he should conduct her to the ladies’ waiting-room or to a carriage, until he has attended to her baggage, which he arranges to have delivered where the lady requests it. He should then escort her to whatever part of the city she is going and deliver her into the hands of her friends before relaxing his care. On the following day he should call upon her to inquire after her health. It is optional with the lady whether the acquaintance shall be prolonged or not after this call. If the lady does not wish to prolong the acquaintance, she can have no right, nor can her friends, to request a similar favor of him at another time."
More very important rules of travel, both for ladies and for gentlemen, can be found here.
In the meantime I am preparing for my own time travel. I am already on the way to the depot where the time machine is located ready to depart. Yet the road is not an easy one. It is full of dangerous holes, and these need to be filled in. And the proper, for this purpose, filling stuff is knowledge. So in the actual present I am studying CHRONOGEOMETRY. It is made of groups and manifolds with group actions. And so right now I am studying a paper by Alexander Levichev from the Sobolev Institute of Mathematics of the Siberian Branch of the Russian Academy of Sciences, Russian Academy of Sciences. Institute of mathematics . In this last link you will find a much older theoretical paper "Time machine in MTT world". But I am studying now this one:
A Contribution to the DLF-Theory: On Singularities of the SU(2,2)-Action in U(1,1)
Part of that I was already discussing on this blog - though in Polish. Now I will be posting a summary of the main topics - this time in English.
P.S1. Academia.edu supplies me with published works where my name is being mentioned. Today I received information about the following quotation in the Preface to the monograph "Conformal Groups in Geometry and Spin Structures" by Pierre Anglès, Birkhäuser 2008:
To stand up straight with your shoulders back means building the ark that protects the world from the flood, guiding your people through the desert after they have escaped tyranny, making your way away from comfortable home and country, and speaking the prophetic word to those who ignore the widows and children. It means shouldering the cross that marks the X, the place where you and Being intersect so terribly. It means casting dead, rigid and too tyrannical order back into the chaos in which it was generated; it means withstanding the ensuing uncertainty, and establishing, in consequence, a better, more meaningful and more productive order. So, attend carefully to your posture. Quit drooping and hunching around. Speak your mind. Put your desires forward, as if you had a right to them—at least the same right as others. Walk tall and gaze forthrightly ahead. Dare to be dangerous. Encourage the serotonin to flow plentifully through the neural pathways desperate for its calming influence.
People, including yourself, will start to assume that you are competent and able (or at least they will not immediately conclude the reverse). Emboldened by the positive responses you are now receiving, you will begin to be less anxious. You will then find it easier to pay attention to the subtle social clues that people exchange when they are communicating. Your conversations will flow better, with fewer awkward pauses. This will make you more likely to meet people, interact with them, and impress them. Doing so will not only genuinely increase the probability that good things will happen to you—it will also make those good things feel better when they do happen.
To which I would stress: when you "speak your mind" do not be taken by surprise when other people speak their minds too! We must defend our territory, but we should not be surprised when we are chased away when we are trespassing too far into the territories of other people.
And another important piece from the same book:
If you say no, early in the cycle of oppression, and you mean what you say (which means you state your refusal in no uncertain terms and stand behind it) then the scope for oppression on the part of oppressor will remain properly bounded and limited. The forces of tyranny expand inexorably to fill the space made available for their existence. People who refuse to muster appropriately self-protective territorial responses are laid open to exploitation as much as those who genuinely can’t stand up for their own rights because of a more essential inability or a true imbalance in power.
And do not miss: Jordan Peterson, Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life, Penguin 2021 - Still better!
So I see, programming the attitude of the male attitude of being suppliant takes place as early as 1800 and probably was before... Fortunately, there is some swashbuckling romance literature that shows that women don't want to be ladies in tight corsets, they want to feel women. And men are better at bending the norm, as long as they don't become senselessly aggressive and ultimately they bring happiness to others.
ReplyDeleteIf it comes to the Peterson... Of course, I'll criticize him and say he's not specific, build word salad... these paragraphs of his could be summed up: be confident and open and be assertive and say 'no' when necessary. However, he doesn't say HOW to get it... not sharing knowledge. This positively provoke me, I need to grasp on myself and share something from the 'battlefield' when it comes to social relationships and interaction. Well, not here on this blog exactly...
Romance novels :-P not romance literature...
Delete@Luks: You obviously missed the main messages from Romance novels if that is your take on things. Most women I know who have not been brainwashed by uber-Feminism very much like for a man to exercise his care (if you want to call it dominance, go ahead - semantics) in many situations, particularly traveling. I read the passage Ark quoted and recognized that this is exactly how he takes care of me not just when traveling, but all the time. And I think that he thinks it is worth it because I also take care of him in many ways.
DeleteI think that you are clearly wrong about understanding of my position. I think that the ability of a man to take care of a woman and a woman to take care of a man is a very important thing.
DeleteI referred more, how I can say that... about, cultural programming versus natural man and natural woman.
I meant more something like this: suppose we have some savoir vivre. For example (I'm making this up, I don't know if there has ever been such a thing), let's assume that "No sooner than 5 minutes after leaving the vehicle you can't talk to a lady."
And here suddenly some handsome young man walks up and says, having for nothing the "5 minute rule": "Oh young lady you can barely be seen from under that big hat, you seem to look like 50cm tall." The other Ladies start giggling. She stands and stares as if hammered and says: "That's no way to talk to a Lady..." At this point, two gentlemen looking at him say, "Oh it's not befitting for a gentleman to break the rules like that." And the young man stands unmoved....
Then the coachman with a shout to everyone: "What the hell is going on there? Are you going or getting off? If you're getting off step aside and go your way!" But the handsome young man continues to do his thing and puzzles the beautiful lady. Suddenly this is interrupted by some thief, who grabs the lady's purse and runs off with it. At that moment the coachman as well as the two gentlemen, who had been taught only to conform to the dictates of savoir vivre, learned to yield and submit, and as it turns out it was the rebellious one who had the most strength and confidence to break off in pursuit. As a last resort, he was the one who took care of the counter's possessions, catching the thief and returning the things that were valuable to her. Stealthily putting there a piece of paper sprinkled with his best toilet water grated from his body: "Come to the park downtown at 7pm tonight."
The lady reads this message finally and says: "You must be crazy." Thought: "It would be nice to meet this guy again, he was different from everyone else and still saved my jewels. In addition, he was so handsome..."
I really believe you know what I mean.... What I wrote in this and the previous comment I did it in the context of also Peterson and his "be a 'bad boy', be strong."
It is good that you take care of Ark. First of all, you are a MARRIAGE, people with maturity, with age. You may not believe me, but I also take care of you. I remember you in my prayers, You and Ark, and I am rooting for you.
From what I see. My mistake in the first comment was that I did not take care to properly introduce and weigh the context...
DeleteTaking care of each other, if there is really giving and respect, it doesn't matter if we say that we take care of someone or we dominate someone. Also sticking to certain rules can make it easier for us to keep ourselves in check.
If someone dominates, in a way of caring for the benefit of the other and takes nothing from it but only giving and do it respective the free will by agreement of the situation of the other, it is not service to self's domination.
I mean if I would have wife and she would tell me: "Stop eating eating it now. It is bad for you!" Even if IT IS command and my submissive to this command is allowing for her domination over me, WHILE everything she is doing is only for my well being and I asked her for it. Its is okay. I would be glad to have such wife, I would be very happy.
Feminism, I think, only dividing men and women, and that is seeking STS dominance, by recognizing only your side without caring about the other side, which is men. And this harms both sides.
It's probably not good when a 60 year old guy reads a romance novel and identifies most with a deaf mute young girl. Course I can also identify with the heartless via heartbroken swashbuckling guy but for the introvert it all stays inside unless there's an outlet like the semi-pretend nicely distant online world. I kind of had to wait until my early 30s and the online world for a first kiss and got laid off at 40 and never worked again. Online you don't have to walk tall and look forthrightly and if you stick to forums and avoid chat rooms like I did you get rid of awkward pauses; not that I much talked enough in person to have anything to pause from. Course for things like a first kiss, you have to be in person and things tended to thus fall apart then even with my wife-to-be whom I met online though she was sort of glad I wasn't quite as wild as I was online, but keeping a little of that in the real world would have been nice. We do exchange puns, sometimes even on the naughty side.
ReplyDelete@JohnG: just curious, did you eventually marry said wife-to-be?
DeleteYes we've been married for 26 years now with 2 kids. We honeymooned in Paris (and went to Lourdes) and the tour guide at the Louvre said why did you pick Paris for a honeymoon. Traveling around via subway wasn't optimal though the train to Lourdes was a nice fast one.
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